What Is Conscious Relating? Creating Trust, Pleasure, and Stability in Chaotic Times

Chapters:

1. Can Your Relationship Be a Source of Stability Right Now? Why sacred partnership matters during collective chaos.

2. What Does It Mean to Relate Consciously? Defining conscious relating by first understanding unconscious patterns.

3. Autopilot Relationships and the Cost of Unconscious Relating How operating on default erodes intimacy and trust.

4. How Modern Relationship Culture Is Rooted in Control Hierarchy, ownership, and domination in romantic relationships.

5. War Energy in Love and Conflict Why partners turn against each other during disagreements.

6. How Capitalism and Collective Trauma Shape Intimacy When societal survival patterns leak into relationships.

7. Why Honesty Feels So Scary in Relationships The link between fear, transparency, and nervous system regulation.

8. Dysregulation: The Real Barrier to Emotional Safety Why honesty requires self-regulation and co-regulation.

9. Living in Emergency Mode and Its Impact on Love How urgency culture destroys relational trust.

10. Emotional Attacks and Lashing Out When Hurt Why saying the painful thing happens so fast.

11. Boundaries as Rejection Instead of Needs How unconscious culture teaches us to fear boundaries.

12. Why Self-Sacrifice Is Not Romantic Letting go of the myth that love requires abandoning yourself.

13. Needing Your Partner to Change Control versus true spiritual growth in relationships.

14. Noticing Unconscious Patterns Without Shame Why awareness is the first step toward transformation.

15. Why Insecurity Can Exist Even in Long-Term Relationships Understanding lingering fear beneath commitment.

16. Pleasure Requires Trust and Stability How safety unlocks joy beyond sex.

17. Divesting From the Relational Status Quo Choosing connection over inherited patterns.

18. Relationships as Tools for Spiritual Evolution Why your soul chose to incarnate now.

19. Alchemizing Trauma Into Love Transforming domination into trust and connection.

20. Sovereignty and Acceptance Letting your partner be who they are.

21. Nervous System Regulation and Co-Regulation Staying on the same team during intensity.

22. Honesty as a Trust-Building Practice Why transparency deepens intimacy.

23. Boundaries as Invitations for Connection A paradigm shift away from rejection.

24. Surrender, Attunement, and Collaboration Relating beyond hierarchy and control.

25. Compassion, Response, and Patience Moving at the speed of care.

26. Why Fear Leads to Control in Relationships When survival instincts sabotage intimacy.

27. Responding Instead of Reacting Learning to choose connection under pressure.

28. Courage Is Not the Absence of Fear How conscious love is built through choice.

29. A Real Example: Dreams, Jealousy, and Transparency How honesty and co-regulation deepen trust.

30. Why Secrets Create More Damage Than Truth Choosing openness over fear.

31. Conscious Relating as Collective Healing How personal relationships shape the future.

32. From Fear-Based Love to Heart-Led Connection Creating pleasure, stability, and trust over time.

33. Invitation to Go Deeper: The Conscious Couple Transforming unconscious patterns together.

What if your sacred partnership could be a source of pleasure and stability amidst the chaos of these times? I'm your host, Forrest Williams, Certified Relationship Coach and Disciple of Love, and I help you learn the art of trust by waking up from unconscious patterns so you can enjoy the pleasure of relating.

What is conscious relating? What does it mean to relate consciously? Well, the easiest way to understand conscious relating is to first understand unconscious relating. Now, when I say unconscious, what I mean is, well, let me give you an example. Have you ever driven home from work or maybe the grocery store, some kind of route that you take all the time, and maybe you even check out or, like, zone out during the ride home, and then you kind of zone back in, and all of a sudden you're in your driveway? The interesting thing about the human being is that it actually requires energy to be conscious. It does burn calories. It's not going to be the same as going to the gym, but it does burn calories to be conscious. So, you know, in order to conserve energy, it's really a brilliant system, but there's a lot of just unconscious patterning that plays out in the human body. A lot of the time, we're not aware of it. We're just kind of operating on autopilot. And so, when it comes to relationships, relating unconsciously means you're just defaulting to the status quo of society. How society teaches us to be in relationships, which, spoiler alert, if you're here, you probably already know. It is actually a paradigm of disconnection, what the modern world facilitates. So, you know, the status quo of modern relationships is rooted in hierarchy. It's rooted in domination, ownership, and control. So, you might not realize when control is showing up in your relationship, but I guarantee you it does. Because you're a human being.

You're not exempt from the way the human body works. So, well, let's look at the human psyche. This is part of the human body. So, it's really natural as humans to internalize whatever is in our external environment. So, you know, if you're living in a modern society that more than likely is a capitalist society where the game is ownership and domination, hierarchical relating, then likely this is showing up in your relationships, even if you're not aware of it. And so, this is the thing that is disconnecting. It's when basically society, society's shadows and ancestral trauma, societal trauma, collective trauma, is seeping into our psyche and seeping out into our relationships. And so, you know, it really does get in the way. So, you know, just to give you an idea of what this looks like in action. This is an energy of war. So, you know, capitalism as a paradigm only came to be through imperialism, through dividing and conquering, through war. And so, war energy shows up time and time again. I actually really enjoy calling it war energy because it really is everywhere.

But I don't hear anybody else really calling it what it is. And so, to me, it actually feels really cathartic just to name it because then you, who knows, you might just start seeing it everywhere. Like I was even at the airport the other day and I see on the TV, it's like, there's like boxing going on the TV, you know, in the background. And it's a really chaotic environment. And the other TV, there's like football. I'm like, okay. It's kind of a weird vibe for like a public space. But there's just this like subtle war energy just kind of, you know, as part of the norm in modern society because that's how a lot of modern nations have been founded is through war. And so, the way this seeps into relationship is when you get into some sort of conflict with each other, you just turn against each other. So you go from being allies to being enemies. Um, and in my humble opinion, that's actually not natural to the human being. Um, and you might think, what? How is that not natural? Cause it's so common, but that's part of that unconscious paradigm. That's really not, um, it's really not true human nature. You know, it's just the social construct of, like, capitalism and imperialism. Um, another example is the fear of being honest. And, you know, you might think, well, of course it's natural to be afraid to speak honestly to your lover. What if you say something and it hurts the relationship? What if you're too honest? In reality, the fear of being honest comes from the inability to regulate your nervous system. And this is true for both giving and receiving the honesty. So if I had a dream that is triggering to my partner, I might just hide it and might not say it at all. Right? Cause what if they can't handle it? Um, so a big part of me being able to be completely honest with my partner, because honesty facilitates trust, um, is the ability for me to stay, well, you have to stay a hundred percent regulated. But if you're going to have some way to regulate your nervous system to help bring you back down faster. And so you can communicate from a place of compassion, but also collaboration. Um, so, you know, you might say, well, how is this related to this paradigm of disconnection? This status quo? Isn't it just human It's human nature. I think fear is natural. I think fear is natural. We'll get more into that later, but you know, in a society where there is the absence of trauma, like collectively and individually, there is no fear of being honest. There's trust. It's a paradigm of trust. Um, and really the inability, to be honest, stemming from the inability for you or your lover to regulate your nervous system and hold the tension of what is coming to the surface. That is totally a by-product of war culture because, you know, in a war paradigm, people don't care about your feelings and needs. There's no care in the speed at which you operate. You know, it's, um, that hierarchical structure where you just obey the commands from the top because everything is an emergency. When everything is an emergency, your nervous system is wrecked. You're completely dysregulated. Um, and so it's just not a part of a war paradigm to be, um, to know how to regulate your nervous system. Like, I didn't learn that growing up. Did you?

Another aspect, um, of unconscious relating is when you're feeling hurt, you'll unconsciously lash out at your partner or you'll attack your partner. So maybe your partner said something that hurt you and you'll say something intentionally to hurt them. Or like, um, or like, have you ever had a moment where, um, you know, you're triggered, you're, you're totally dysregulated, you're feeling emotional, you're feeling hurt. And it just comes out of nowhere. This very spicy, um, and spearheaded, like insult, or maybe it's like partially true, which is what makes it so painful. But you speak to one of your partners and securities, um, and you say something that really hurts them. Um, and then you regret it instantly because you see how much it hurts them. That impulse is part of that unconscious pattern that really just mirrors the war culture of society.

Another aspect of unconscious relating is having a hard time with boundaries. Cause like I said, you know, in these hierarchical relationship structures, there's this expectation that only the person holding the power can have boundaries, which are really just needs. Um, and it's expected that anyone below that person does not have needs or their needs get neglected or suppressed. Um, so when it comes to romantic relationships, the way that translates the unconscious pattern is there's this expectation that if you love me, you essentially soften your boundaries. And you actually interpret your lover's boundaries as a form of rejection instead of just recognizing them that they're needs. And part of that, um, unconscious romantic culture is that, you know, sacrificing your needs is interpreted to be romantic when in reality it's completely unnecessary. A lot of people find that like surprising, but it's, it's unnecessary. It's true.

Um, and then the last example I'll give for now is needing somebody to change. Having a hard time accepting someone as they are and for who they are, um, when really ideally you're both encouraging each other to grow spiritually because, you know, that's why we're on earth. We're here to learn our lessons and to grow spiritually. There's a big difference between needing someone to change, um, versus encouraging them to grow spiritually. Like, like grow and change in a way that they want to. And, you know, it's one thing to be like, okay, it looks like we have too many misalignments. I don't think this is going to work for me. But part of that unconscious relating is like trying to control your partner to shape them into the ideal partner for you rather than just accepting who they are and where they are. And just, I mean, that's, that's love, right? It's just like accepting somebody and, um, you know, if you can't get down with who they are and where they are, then, you know, instead of walking away graciously, it's like trying to control someone and shape them into who you want them to be. So these are just a few examples of unconscious patterns. what we're going to do in this podcast is explore so many unconscious patterns. And like, there's no shame to these unconscious patterns. Like I said, it's natural. It's a part of the human psyche. We just naturally internalize whatever is happening in our external environment. And so the purpose of looking at these unconscious patterns is first to have this awareness that it's like, oh my goodness, there it is. society's influence. That paradigm of disconnection is showing up in my relationship because you're going to want to know when it shows up. Um, and then once you are able to catch it, that creates the opportunity to relate consciously, to relate in a way, um, that facilitates trust and connection. You know, maybe you can relate to this. Um, I've definitely experienced this myself and I've witnessed people in this dynamic where, you know, they're in a committed partnership. They love each other. They really care for each other. And yet there's still this lingering fear of like, what if they leave me?

I've seen people in marriages for 20 plus years who've had this lingering fear of what if they really, what if they leave me? What if I'm not sexy enough? What if I'm not X, Y, Z enough? What if they're losing attraction to me? There's this lingering insecurity, um, which I think is natural to some degree. But if you're embodying these practices, um, of relating consciously, it naturally just facilitates trust over time and not every relationship is meant to last forever. You know, some relationships, um, are there for a period of time to help you learn specific lessons and that's fine too. But for people who really do want to have this lifelong loving relationship, um, that unconscious relating, um, the unconscious patterns that you get stuck in that are really inherited from your ancestors who are just trying their best to survive imperialism and capitalism. Um, and from the collective trauma of society at large, um, can really get in the way of actually feeling secure in your relationship. And so if you're not, like, if you're unable to actually settle into your relationship, like, like, like all these resources, your life is kind of structured in a way where it signals you're going to be together. If you still amidst all of that external structure cannot settle into feeling like stable in your relationship, there's going to be way less pleasure in your relationship. And I don't mean pleasure just as in sexual, but I mean, pleasure, like, you know, the pleasure of smelling a flower, the pleasure of feeling the sun on your skin. Um, there is so much abundant free pleasure that doesn't require you to work a 50 hour work week and like, you know, like destroy your nervous system working more than what you can handle that is available to you through your relationships. If you're able to learn the skills and the habits that facilitate trust and connection, it is so abundant to be able to go home to your lover and, you know, to be able to trust that you can stay on the same team, even if conflict comes up. Um, so we'll get a little bit more into that. So what is conscious relating? It's really just divesting from this relational status quo that you are taught that we're all taught that you are taught that we're all taught. And really, it's like treating relationships as a sacred vessel for growth and transformation. Because, you know, Earth is going through a huge transition right now. The consciousness on Earth is shifting in a massive way. Um, and so, you know, your soul chose to incarnate at this time. I know a lot of people are here and they're like, I can't handle this. This is so intense. Everything is depressing. Why am I here? Believe it or not, your soul chose this. Your soul chose to come here. Um, and it, it does take a very courageous soul to come incarnate into a time like this. So more likely than not, your soul came with the mission deeper than what the eye can see, probably deeper than what your career could ever try to sell you as like a life purpose. Maybe it's just the purpose of joy or maybe it's just, you know, energetically being an anchor and, uh, a beacon of hope during times of collective chaos, really through this collective shift that we're all experiencing.

And so, you know, your soul comes to Earth in general to grow spiritually. You know, Earth is a hell of a school. There's a lot of energies and emotions to be experienced on Earth. Not all planets are as diverse as Earth when it comes to the range of emotions that are available. It's an advanced place and it's for advanced souls. Um, so really the task that we have as a collective is, well, it's a choice point. You can evolve with Earth's consciousness as she evolves into the next chapter for her. Or, um, you know, that's fine if you're not wanting to evolve or you're not ready to evolve alongside Earth. There's always the alternate route, um, which is, you know, you don't go to the next grade or whatever. You just keep learning the lessons until you're ready to move on and that's fine. But if you're here, you're very likely, I would even say 99% likely, to be the kind of person who is ready to evolve alongside Earth in her consciousness journey. Um, and so it's, it's a beautiful thing to incarnate into a world where there's so much collective trauma. There's a lot of fear right now being spread around the collective as this old paradigm is dying out and really just like holding on tightly, um, trying to, trying to really prevent the shift from happening. But it's really inevitable at this point. And so there's a bunch of chaos as the energy of the old paradigm, uh, clings on for dear life. And the best way to control the population is through fear. So there's a lot of fear being spread around right now. Um, so, you know, it's a, it's a hell of an environment to incarnate into. And what you're doing as an advanced soul is you're consenting to incarnate into this environment and essentially alchemize that energy so that you yourself can learn your lessons and continue moving on to the next level. And in this case, this time on Earth, it's Earth's consciousness, um, ascending essentially. And so consciousness is rising on the planet as a whole, believe it or not. You'll see it in a few years from now, but right now this is like, it's like the chaos of a building that's being demolished and we're just left in the dust, you know? But when you can see past the dust and the demolition, you know, the decaying of the old ways, there's so much abundance in what is being built and what is to come. And so it's a hell, it's a hell of a gift to yourself in the world to come in with all of that inherited ancestral trauma, living in your DNA, living in your nervous system. And you get to choose how do you want to show up with that and you can learn the skills and practices to cultivate the habits, um, to alchemize all of that trauma energy, the energy of control, domination, um, into love. Essentially, you know, you can alchemize that into patterns that nurture trust and connection. So, you know, as above, so below. Um, someone I really admire, Adrienne Marie Brown, an author and an activist, she says what we practice at the small scale sets the pattern for the whole system. So, you know, these systems that we live in kind of live inside of us in a way too. And it's very powerful to tap into your soul's consciousness and to consciously alchemize that energy, um, to match a different vibration. So you're not just defaulting to what society has handed you to what your ancestral trauma has handed you to no fault of their own. They're just doing their best to survive. But we're out of that paradigm. We're, we're moving out of that paradigm where we're just trying to survive all the time. Um, and so not only do your relationships benefit from this, cause like I said, the more you have trust, the more stable and secure you feel in your relationship. And that is where pleasure comes from. That's where the pleasure of relating comes from. Cause you know, there's so much stress in the world right now with all the chaos happening collectively, like as a globe, but especially the U S empire, it is crazy right now in the U S empire. Everybody's losing it. Um, and so, you know, it can be helpful just to zoom out and see the bigger picture of, okay, the dust is settling. It has not yet settled. I am here for a reason. My soul. My soul chose to come here and to work these patterns and to alchemize them. And not only to improve the amount of pleasure I experienced on a day-to-day basis in my loving relationship, but also help heal the earth. It's actually a very abundant thing that we get to choose to do as souls. I find it so trippy and so cool.

So, you know, we'll go way deeper into this in future episodes. Cause there's so much here, but in general, here are a few practices of conscious relating and really conscious relating is just repatterning, right? So you're divesting from the patterns that you've inherited from society and through ancestral trauma. And you're repatterning and you're repatterning them into really, you know, um, what is more natural to the human being, like how the human being is designed, what you're made for really. So part of conscious relating is sovereignty. It's accepting someone for who they are, um, and where they are not needing to control them in order to be in relationship with them. A big part of it is understanding how to regulate your nervous system, both on your own and with others. So co-regulation, a big part of conscious relating is honesty. It takes a lot of courage to be honest. And you know, what helps you be courageous? The ability to regulate yourself. If you don't have the skills or the practices to regulate your nervous system, it's going to feel way too scary to explore that edge of being honest. Um, boundaries are a big part of conscious relating and not only just boundaries, but understanding that boundaries are an invitation for connection. We'll go deeper into this in future episodes. So boundaries are not barriers. They're actually invitations. It's a huge paradigm shift. Um, surrender is a part of conscious relating. And what I mean, surrender, you know, it's kind of like releasing control. And another word for releasing control is acceptance. Acceptance is the opposite of control. Attunement is a part of conscious relating. So, you know, you don't see that happening in war culture. It's a lot of hierarchical commands telling, um, people what to do and they don't have an option. They have to, um, obey. Attunement is so different. Attunement, if you think of like a baby, um, and the mom, you know, the baby cries, the mom is attentive to the baby. So there's a sense of attunement to like, you're on the same vibration. I think of like tuning a guitar, you know, like you're in tune with each other.

Collaboration is huge. You know, the opposite of war culture. There's not a lot of communication in war culture. There's just domination. So collaboration is huge, especially through conflict. Um, believe it or not, that is something that can be cultivated and it can, it can drastically change your life and, um, deepen trust in your relationships.

Compassion is a huge part of conscious relating, um, you know, communicating in a way that's neutral and not full of judgment or blame. Um, but being able to open your heart to what your partner is experiencing. You don't have to invalidate their experience in order to have your experience. So there can be multiple realities existing at once. And in order for that to happen, Bringing it back to nervous system regulation. A big part of that is about responding, not reacting. So the reaction is where your nervous system gets hooked, um, and dysregulated. And if you do react from that place, it's just going to make you even more dysregulated. It's going to make you turn against each other during conflict. So responding is a skill that can be learned.

Forgiveness is part of conscious relating. Um, I have, I relate to forgiveness. A little differently than the mainstream does. You'll find I relate to many things differently than the mainstream does. So I'll explain the way I relate to it in a future episode. Um, the short of it, it's just giving someone space. Um, not taking things personally, but definitely still have boundaries. You know, it doesn't give people an excuse to walk all over you. It just means you have peace with whatever happened in the past and you can be in present time. And then, um, the final part I'll share for now is patience, man. Conscious relating really does demand patience, right? Like if you're responding instead of reacting, that requires patience. Compassion totally requires patience. Um, and so there's this concept of moving at the speed of care, you know, cause capitalism is really based on urgency, um, and war culture, right? It's like, if there's a crisis, it requires urgency. And, you know, you know, that's

just requires patience.

So conscious relating is about creating a culture of connection. We're currently living in a paradigm of disconnection. And so it's all about, you know, connecting from the heart, not from a place of fear.

How do you connect from the heart? Well, all of these qualities of conscious relating that I just named to you, um, these are things that can be practiced. So it doesn't happen from zero to a hundred. You don't just become aware of your patterns and you're like, okay, I'm just relating consciously. Now the awareness piece is the first part, but if you want to re-pattern, you have to choose how to show up to that awareness over and over and over again. Um, so fear is a natural human emotion. It will save your life, but it can also ruin your relationship. At least if the decisions you're making and the behaviors that, um, your relationship are based in are rooted in fear, that is going to kill your relationship. And unfortunately that's the default, right? That's like the status quo.

So it's not that fear is bad or wrong. It's natural. It's there to save your life. If there's an earthquake, that fear is going to save your life. If there's a fire you need to evacuate, that fear is there to help you. You know, fear could also point to things that are important to you or things that you value. If you're afraid the relationship might end, you know what that means? It just means that you really care about your partner and you want it to last longer. So that's helpful information.

Conscious relating and relating from the heart is not about relating from a place of fear. You know, there's space for the fear to be there and you can observe the fear. You can, um, inquire, like, what is the wisdom this fear is holding for me? What needs is it pointing to for me? What feelings accompany this fear? And where the conscious relating comes from is choosing something different. Because if you default to the fear, you're going to be relating from a place of control because the natural response to fear is control. And there are moments where this will save your life. Maybe you're driving on the highway and you're skidding on ice. You're going to need to take control of that situation to stay alive. So fear is there to save your life. It's not there to, like, deepen trust in a relationship. Not if you're reacting to the fear. Because control is really the opposite of what it takes to facilitate trust. It really requires a little bit of a letting go.

And so when you're doing this practice of, um, waking up to the unconscious patterns you've inherited, um, that are rooted in fear and, you know, come along with this impulse to control things and choosing something different. This is healing, right? So if this domination paradigm lives inside of you and you're not aware of it unless you study it, it is really healing to do something different, to divest from that paradigm. You're liberating yourself from that paradigm.

So... Let's give an example here about how fear can ruin your relationship. So let's say that, um, you're afraid of being honest because what if it ends in disconnection? You know, classic, this is like such a human thing. The fear of being honest.

Well, in reality, what actually, um, ruins the relationship or brings disconnection is dishonesty because dishonesty does not facilitate trust and secrets do not facilitate trust. So real trust means that there's space for honesty. And could you just imagine this? Like what if honesty actually brought you closer together? If you were able to practice nervous system regulation and all these other things, patience, co-regulation, and you were able to hold tension together, um, and you were transparent with each other and move through that and stay on the same team, that's going to bring you so much closer together than any secret could ever attempt to.

So something I find kind of funny and amusing, I was watching this reality TV show. What was it? This was years ago. So I think it was something kind of like really like extreme where people wanted to get married so bad that they were willing to essentially marry a stranger who also wanted to get married. Um, and so there is this woman who got married to this guy, like, you know, they met at the altar, essentially like leave it to reality TV to create some kind of like extreme scenario like that. Um, but in the interview, she said, what she's looking for is what she's looking for as a God fearing man. And so I found that so interesting, um, like from a sociology point of view, because in this case, it seems like the way that she trusted someone, like she was willing to marry someone she'd never met before as long as they were fearing God. So in this case, it's like fear for her was a sign that she could trust someone. And in reality, you know, I mean, God is not something to fear, you know, God lives in all of us. And we are all a part of God. We're all sparks of light. We all come from the same source. So, I mean, it's funny to fear yourself in a way like that just doesn't make sense, um, to me. But what's interesting in this scenario is that, you know, when her impulse told her that she can trust someone based on if somebody fears the same supposedly man, like assuming God is a man, LOL. I find that so silly. Um, but it's like, oh, we can bond over like fearing the same entity. Um, what actually happened in the show is that this guy had no relationship skills at all. Like he was incredibly unconscious. Um, he had a really poor communication. There was lots of push and pull in their dynamic, um, which created a lot of suffering, particularly for this woman. Um, and so even though the intention of the show was to get married, to make it work, and she was so willing to make it work. Like he put her through hell and more. And she just like, was like, I'm willing to make it work. I'm willing to make it work. After like months, she finally ended up breaking up with him, you know, and calling off their legal marriage. Um, and you know, most of her peers were supportive, like even her parents and her friends and all that stuff were like, yeah, this guy is just not respecting you. So, you know, I think it's a silly example. It's kind of fun, but it really shows that like fear is not the thing to facilitate connection. It takes skills. It takes relationship skills. You know, ideally we're born in a world where we don't have to learn these skills or relearn these skills because our ancestors very long time ago, this just came naturally to them, right? It is human nature to love and to collaborate. This war energy does not belong to earth. It's just a visitor. It's like a invading kind of energy, but it's on its way out. And so, you know, it is what it is in this day and age. We just have to relearn the relationship skills to deepen trust and connection. And so that's the thing that is actually going to help you connect, not, um, connecting over fear.

So like I said, the fear is not going anywhere. It's going to be there. And so, you know, at the crux of it, conscious relating is all about noticing the fear when it comes up, noticing what unconscious control pattern correlates with that fear, and making that choice, choosing the courage to love. Because you can't have courage without fear, right? Like... Courage is facing your fear. It's not just having the absence of fear, because I don't think it's natural for anybody to not have any fear, because they wouldn't last very long on this planet. You need the fear to keep you alive. But choosing the courage to love, that is what feels so satisfying in the relationship. It's exploring that edge, taking a leap of faith, and choosing the courage to actually deepen trust and connection, to really embody love. Love not as this feeling that feels tingly in your tummy, but love as this deeply spiritual concept that is, you know, collaborative and patient and accepting and all of those things I named earlier. It's a very deep practice, and it feels incredibly satisfying when you're able to embody those practices. But the thing is, it is so much easier to practice courage when you have the tools and you have the skills. Imagine you get thrown into the jungle, right? And you got no food, no shelter. Um, there's actually a show called Naked and Afraid. I was never really into this show, but I thought it was a good metaphor. So in the show, they literally throw people out into these, like, random, like, wilderness scenarios. And they're naked, but there's, like, a camera crew around them. So, you know, legally, they're not going to let these people die or anything bad happen to them. So there is some sort of safety net. But for the most part, they're just like braving the wilderness. They're literally naked. But the show sets them up with at least some tools that can help them brave the wilderness. Imagine going into the jungle where you have no tools, you have no skills and no clothes. Like, like, in real life, like, like, in real life, that would be much harder compared to being on the show where you have a safety net, you have some, some tools in your pocket to help you survive. So it's the same thing when it comes to relating. It's less extreme. Um, thank God, because you're not trying to risk your life in a relationship. But naturally, loving is full of risk. It's really vulnerable to soften into trust. Um, you know, control is not vulnerable at all. Control is the opposite of vulnerability. So loving is not risk free. And it's much easier to take a leap of faith, to practice the courage, aka facing your fears, when you know that you have some skills and some tools and some practices that you can lean on. So like one example, well, it's actually a recent example. Um, my partner and I recently both had dreams that were really triggering, um, for the other person, it was dreams that triggered jealousy. And they happen within a few days of each other. So first I had a dream. And then the next day, she had a dream. And then I had another dream. It was just a really interesting time. Um, and I remember one of these mornings after like the third dream, we were just cuddling in bed and just talking about how amazing it is that we're able to talk about these things so openly, you know, like we're not turning against each other. We're cuddling. We're co-regulating. Um, of course I got a little triggered. Right. But I'm not like lashing out at her. I'm just taking deep breaths. Um, practicing patience. I'm not trying to respond right away. And then we do move through it. And every time we do something like that, it does bring us closer together because I know there's no secrets. There's no hiding. Um, and ultimately the conclusion we came up with because we were willing to face that vulnerability and face that fear of, oh goodness, what does this dream mean? Um, how is my partner going to react to this? Our willingness to face that actually gave us insight. Um, we became aware of what was actually going on, which was, you know, um, we're both committed to long-term relationship together. We have very aligned values and vision for, um, what we want for our life. And we're both very dedicated to spiritual growth and cultivating relational skills. And so it, it's honestly like a dream partnership. I didn't even know this was possible, but here I am. Um, and so my takeaway was like, well, it's natural, you know, for these things that come up when you're deepening into like a long-term commitment. Um, because essentially what it's doing is looking at the other possibilities that you're saying no to in order to say yes to this, this deeper, bigger one. Um, and so, you know, Imagine if I had hid that and somehow some, some way that's out of my control, the secret gets leaked or it comes to the surface. Maybe we're in like a moment of tension or fight, or maybe who knows how they, how she like comes and sees, um, that I had this dream. It could create a lot of conflict because there's suspicion around, well, why are you hiding this from me? It gives added meaning to the dream that's actually not there. And so when I'm able to air the dream out transparently, it's showing that I actually have nothing to hide. And then we're able to move through it and be on the same page and really just assess that, yeah, this is a dream, but it's not a risk. It's not rooted in reality. I'm just processing, letting some things go. So, um, I just, I, yeah, I really know I can trust her and she really knows she can trust me. And that's a great feeling. It feels so abundant to be able to move through triggers together and just hold them very gently and feel even more connected on the other side.

I hope you're leaving with an idea of what it means to relate consciously. And I hope you can see for yourself the possibility of, um, what it could feel like for you in your relationship to be able to be radically authentic, radically transparent, um, and still feel the fear, but not be dominated by the fear, not taking action in fear, but taking action, um, from a place of your values and from a place of what facilitates spiritual growth, what facilitates trust, um, and connection and really just pleasure.

And if this is something that you're interested in exploring deeper, if you want to transform unconscious patterns to deepen pleasure and stability in your relationship, you might be interested in my four month course, the conscious couple. This is for couples who want to grow together, not apart. In true Aquarian fashion, I'm going to introduce myself here at the end because I like to do things a little bit differently.

So my name is Forrest Williams. You might know me, um, from, um, workshops or YouTube or TikTok. Um, I'm not really active on Instagram anymore. I'm actually not really active on any of my social medias anymore, just cause it doesn't bring me joy to be there. Um, or maybe you've done one of my workshops in the past, or you're already on my newsletter. So if that's you, then hello, you already know who I am. But if you're curious to learn more about who I am, um, I have been coaching hundreds of clients all around the world, um, around building trust for the last six years. Um, I've been certified by the international coaching federation. I'm trained in somatics and energy work using the third eye. Um, I'm also deeply committed to the spiritual path. So what I mean by that is I'm a soul who loves to grow. Um, I even spent 14 months living, working, and studying in a Tibetan Buddhist center in Berkeley, California. I do not subscribe to Buddhism actually. Um, I find that actually any organized religion, regardless of if it's Eastern or Western is just a little

too restricting. Um, I find that true spirituality is something that you find within yourself and not outside of yourself. Um, so, um, I'm a disciple of love. Love is what I'm devoted to. I'm devoted to the practice of facing my fears. Um, having the courage to, um, having the courage to, to be vulnerable enough to truly love. And, um, my human design type is a projector, which means my energetic blueprint is designed to guide people, to help them see deeper into themselves. And, um, my son is an Aquarius, which means I like to do things a little bit differently than your average person.

Um, part of that is I'm actually a trans man, which is a unique and interesting experience. It gives me a unique perspective.

My moon is in Pisces, um, which means I feel deeply and cry often. I love feeling and, um, my son is, or my son, my rising sign is Sagittarius. Um, which means, you know, sometimes I could be a little impulsive or I'm just ready to take action, but it also means, um, that I, I have a vision that I'm working towards. And oftentimes that vision is in service of the collective. It's bigger than just me. Um, I'm someone who's been known to be a source of hope for the chaos of these times. I think it's kind of rare to come across and I think it's quite a gem to be plugged into hope during a time like this. Um, anyway, free time, I, you can just find me singing all the time and improvising songs throughout the day, just silly little songs.

Singing is actually one of my favorite ways to regulate my nervous system and to co-regulate. Um, and you know, there's, I have a plethora of songs that I've written and made and just sang to myself to get me through very specific patterns I'm in, in my relationships or specific chapters in my life. Um, like one example is I wrote a song called Courage to Love, which I have shared with a few clients and, um, yeah, I just think it's a more pleasurable way to heal. I don't think healing has to be like serious and you have to like suffer. Yeah, I think it's like uncomfortable because that's natural when you're growing, there's a bit of discomfort, but I really like to take a kind of silly approach that centers pleasure when it comes to healing and transforming. Like I said, I'm not really on social media these days, but if you want to be in relationship with me, the best way to do that is by subscribing to this podcast, subscribing to my newsletter, which you can do on consciousrelating. org. Um, you can also check out The Conscious Couple on consciousrelating. org. You can see more about that course. I'm really excited to lead that. And I'm excited to launch this new iteration of my offerings, which is all rooted in conscious relating. So thanks for being here. Peace be with you. If you're serious about making your partnership a source of pleasure and stability amidst the chaos of these times, my new course, The Conscious Couple is for you. This is a radically holistic course for couples who value spiritual growth and want to invest in their relationship. I've designed this course to help you transform unconscious patterns so you can grow together, not apart. What makes it radically holistic? Well, it's not just a bunch of information that you take in and forget about later. It combines somatics, energy work, aka using your third eye, group coaching, and support in between meetings. This course is co-facilitated by my partner, Phoenix Grace, who is a professional psychic with over nine years of professional training. We begin on August 10th and registration will open July 20th. Keep in mind, this is limited to only five couples. So it's going to be a very small, intimate container where you can really receive some support. To join the wait list, just go to conscious relating. org and click The Conscious Couple.