Receive Boundaries with Ease Workshop

And then, um, as far as, like, privacy goes, obviously it's being recorded, so people will have access to the replay, and if you do not want to appear on the recording, um, we can just interact in the chat.If you come off mute, then you will become part of the recording, so just keep that in mind.Um, whatever feels comfortable to you is totally fine.Is it all- only an audio recording?Audio and/or- And video.Yeah.Okay.So let's get started

.Um, I think both of you know me, but there might also be some people watching who don't know me as well, so, um, I'm gonna introduce myself a little bit, um, and then let me just touch on the agenda before we do that.So what we're gonna look at today is why it can feel so emotional to receive a boundary.It's not just, like, some random thing that's happening to you.It's a cultural phenomenon, so there are reasons why this happens.We'll look at that.We'll look at the impact it has on your relationship and how reacting to your partner's boundary can hurt your relationship over time.Of course, we're gonna look at how to move forward from that, um, how to do something different.We'll look at how receiving a boundary with more ease can deepen trust and it can deepen connection, and then, of course, um, we'll do a little bit of processing triggers around receiving a boundary.Um, we'll do a little somatic work, little bit of energy work to actually, you know, help you move forward, and then you'll have that practice that you can continue on your own as well.That's why I like incorporating that stuff.Um, so I'll go ahead and introduce myself.Um, my name is Forrest.I know both of you know me, and I've been in this realm of, I guess, we call it relationship coaching, uh, for 7 years, which is kinda crazy to think about.I started it when I was, likelike, 24, 25.I started it pretty young.I'm 33 now, but, I don't know, I really enjoy this stuff, so I- I like focusing in on this stuff.Um, you may or may not know this about me, but I actually grew up in a home where there was a lot of domestic violence, and I think that's really what inspired me to get into this work, because I was such a, like, sensitive, deep soul, and the home I grew up in was, like, pretty chaotic, and it was more of, like, survival mode.There wasn't a lot of connection, um, and especially at the level I really craved.And so, I don't know, I just- I find it interesting to kind of study cultural phenomena and also study humans and kind of the art of relating what works, what doesn't.I don't pretend to have all the answers, but, you know, I've worked with hundreds of clients at this point, really from, like, all over the world, which is kinda cool, um, like people in Australia, Latin America, even, like, people in the Middle East, which I think is kind of random, but really, like -I've worked with so many people and, you know, I just have a perspective based on all the- all the things I've witnessed kind of in session and- and what I study, and then, of course, I draw off my own experience.Um, my personal philosophy, um, I really like looking at just kind of, uh, unmatching from the default mainstream paradigm, because, as you can probably see right now in the news, it's- it's a world where war is kind of, like, the norm.It's been going on for thousands of years.We just take it as normal, even though it's upsetting, um, but because it's normal, it does influence the way that we show up in relationships.But because it's so normal, it's also hard to notice how it shows up, and actually being triggered around receiving a boundary is part of that paradigm.It might not seem obvious at all, but the whole thing around conscious relating is if you're defaulting to the default paradigm, it's gonna lead to disconnection because it's just a- a disconnecting paradigm.So you have to kind of be aware of what are the norms that lead to disconnection.see a "Preach" in the chat.Thanks.Can't help but giggle at that.Um, and we look at what to do instead, like how do you relate consciously?'Cause nobody consciously chooses to kind of uphold a war paradigm in their most intimate partnership.People are in relationship because they- they want to connect, um, so that's kind of my approach.Um, and another interesting thing about me is I used to only work with non-monogamous clients, and I was non-monogamous for 8 years, um, and I'm- I'm a little embarrassed to admit it, but it's true.I kind of had this rigid belief about, oh, non-monogamy is the conscious way of relating, because it's, like, not the default, um, and that's back when I was more of, like, an activist, I guess you could call it, so I had more kind of rigid black-or-white thinking.But as I get older and, you know, like, mature and, you know, part of my- my spiritual practice is divesting from that black-and-white thinking and holding more nuance, I'm realizing, like, okay, you can relate consciously in monogamy or in non-monogamy, and you can relate unconsciously in either one too, so it kinda doesn't matter what the format is, honestly.It's just about relating consciously, so that's the whole premise of what we're doing here.Um, I want to invite you all just to take care of yourself during this call.It's, like, an hour and a half.It could be a lot of time to sit in front of the screen, especially if you're already on the screen all day, um, for work or for pleasure, so I don't have, like, a PowerPoint or anything to show you, because I actually wanna encourage you, um, to look away from the screen if you want or if you need to, um, you know, like, take a- a look around the room, maybe see something nice out the window, or there's something pleasant to look at.Um, and of course you can look as much as you want to at the screen, but just to give that spaciousness, you don't have to.Um, and how about before we get started here, I would love to get just a general, um, feel for the room.I would love to know, what's the mood that you're coming in with?So, maybe you're tired or you're hungry or you're nervous or excited, whatever is emotionally alive for you.Um, and then on a scale of one to 10, how much is having a hard time receiving boundaries impacting your relationship right now?Uh, well, I was, was hungry, and maybe still am, but I had leftover pastelon that I made.Um, sweet plantains with ground meat and dairy-free cheese.Oh, my god.Going to use some parsley.Yeah.Uh, and then I put mayo all over it, 'cause Kewpie mayo tastes good on everything.Um, um, yeah, I'm not remembering quite exactly what, um, uh, what I was thinking when I signed up, uh, a couple weeks ago, that I was just like, "Yes, this will be perfect."But I, if I can remember correctly, um, it's someone I've been seeing for about 8 months now.Um, uh, I know in, in working with different energy, energy workers, um, he tends to, um, always have his energy in his space and is always just very present in whatever he does.And so whenever he leaves, it's like he's disappeared, also energetically, and so it's just like, "Where is he?""I don't, I don't feel him anymore, even though he's not here."Mm-hmm.And so, uh, I realize that is probably triggering, like, my, my anxious attachment style.Um, but of late, uh, he's gotten really better at communication, and, um, now it's almost like a point where I'm just like, "Well, this is the longest I've been in this situation where it's, it's pretty healthy and now I don't feel anxious anymore.Am I now becoming avoidant?"Now that, uh, uh, he's, he's, uh, doing what I ask in terms of clearly communicating or checking in.And now I'm just like, "Oh, maybe I'm bored now.Maybe I, maybe I'm, maybe I'm addicted to drama, I don't know."Um, yeah.That's, that's where I'm at.Thanks for sharing, Kath.It's good to know where you're at.And I just wanna say, I love sweet plantains.Eh, that's not, like, a commonly eaten food, I feel like, in the States.I'm, like, obsessed with them.I've been eating it for, like, 2 weeks now.It's leftovers from my birthday.Oh, my gosh.Cool.Cool.Yeah, Pisces.Cool.And I'm seeing in the chat, um, arriving calm, 3 out of ten for receiving boundaries, 7 out of ten for setting boundaries.Yeah.Did you wanna sh- Oh, never mind.You did share already, Kath.Um,So actually, I have an opening question for you.And this is just, like, kind of fun.There's no right or wrong answer here.There's actually, like, a million different answers, so you can answer if you want to.But the question is, how do you know if you can trust someone?If you can do what?If you can trust someone?I'm sure there's many, many signs, but if you could just throw one thing out, how do you know you can trust someone?Um, my best friend, Joe, uh, I say that he's the person I trust most in the world, um, because, I guess for a couple reasons.Um, he has never hurt me, physically or emotionally, and I know that he never will, and I know that we will never abandon each other.so that's just something I know about u- know about us, that- Mm-hmm.we're on that same page.Yeah.Mm-hmm.Yeah.Yeah.So, someone you feel safe with and that you know is not gonna just, like, disappear?Um- Surprising hard question.It's a hard hitter, yeah.by default.Like, most, most of the time I'll trust by default and then get signal of no trusting, um, but I, as I was reflecting, there's, like, levels of trust, right?I would trust so- to some level by default, but then the deeper trust that you're talking about, that, like, full safety, will come through repeated exposure of, like, knowing that there is a match between behaviors and words.Um, and then there's self-reflection, there's growth.Like, these things are, like, elements, and then sometimes it's just somatic.It's just your body telling you- Mm-hmm.who you can trust.Yeah, totally.And honestly, there's, like, a million things that goes into trust.But that's why I actually love this question, 'cause it's always interesting to see, like, what people gravitate to the most, 'cause it's kinda different for everyone.Um, and that, uh, that is a common, um, strategy is like, "Yeah, I'm gonna give people the benefit of the doubt, and then I'm gonna be, like, noticing what happens."Like, "Can I learn that they're trustworthy over time?"Um, for me personally, there's a lot that goes into it, but one of the big, big things for me is somebody's ability to receive feedback.And I've actually hav- f- I've had this happen during sex where I'm like, "Oh, more like this," and then they'll, like, freak out, and I'm like, "Okay, I don't wanna have sex with you anymore.""I don't feel safe anymore."You're like, "You don't care about my pleasure.I think I'm done here."Um, that's one example.But it really is just like, "Hey, that thing you said hurt me."You know?And if they're like, "Oh, I did?W- what did I say and how can I do something different?"That's, like, huge sign of trust for me.Somebody's, like, receptive, that means they care about me and they're willing to actually, like, implement the feedback I'm giving, not from a place of, like, control where I'm like, "You have to do this," but it's, like, me communicating a need and someone being like, "I hear that need and I wanna honor you."You know?That's huge.And I think there's some overlap actually with what you shared, um, Angelique.So, course, this ties into our theme today because giving and receiving boundaries is a form of trust, and strangely it can be kind of, like, intimate in today's world.Um, 'cause let's say with your employer, there's this expectation that, like, maybe you're not supposed to have a lot of needs or a lot of boundaries.You're kind of defaulting to your employer's, and that's not really intimate at all.Um, so we'll talk a little bit more about that.But where I actually wanna start is, what is a boundary?'Cause that's what we're talking about.We're talking about receiving a boundary.There's different ways to look at it.There's a particular way I like to look at it, through this lens of conscious relating.Um, so let's just say in the default paradigm it's easy to think about boundaries as, like, a barrier or a limit, and, like, maybe there's some truth to that.Um, but it's also, like, a disconnecting way to look at boundaries.And so the way that I like to look at boundaries is, it's actually just a need.You know?Like, what do you need to take care of yourself?Um, and it's not focusing on the other person and controlling the other person.Like, I'll give an example.I have a really sensitive hearing, and there's certain sounds where I'm just like, "Oh my gosh, I cannot be with that sound right now."And so I'm not gonna, like, let's say my partner's, like, clacking the silverware on the plate and I'm just like, "Oh my god, you need to stop doing that."Like, I'm not gonna control them, but I'm just gonna say, like, "Oof, I think I need to put in my earplugs," or, "Maybe I'm gonna eat in the other room," or something, 'cause I just, like, I can't hold th- this, the sound right now.So, like, just an example of a boundary being in need.It's not like, "Fuck you and the way you eat."It's like, it's not about that.It's not about telling the person what to do.It's just taking care of yourself, like, "What do you need right now?"And so in that way, it can be connecting, 'cause ideally, um, if you're in a conscious relationship, you're both getting your needs met to the best of your ability, and you both care about getting your needs met.But of course in a, in a war paradigm, it's kinda taboo to have needs.Um, I love actually the example of the employer, uh, because that is, like, such, like, a hierarchical structure of relating, and if you think of, like, the military, very hierarchical structure, or if you think of a king ruling over a kingdom, it's like, "You do what the king says."Or maybe even today, it's like, "You do what the government says."The government says, "You're not getting an abortion.""Too bad.I guess you're not getting an abortion."Right?It's, like, this hierarchical way of relating.And so that actually is the norm right now.Like, it's at work, it's in government, and then it seeps into relationships really quietly sometimes, where there's this idea of, like, um, like, ownership becoming intimate.So, let's say with your boss, you kinda have to submit to your boss's will.Um, you kind of have to maybe sacrifice something sometimes, like if you're tired, you drink caffeine and you get through it, right?Instead of, like, taking care of yourself, maybe taking a nap or taking a break.That's just one example where you're kind of sacrificing in order to meet that hierarchical order.Um, and so you don't really choose that, you just kinda have to do that to survive.You don't really choose the laws, you don't choose the government necessarily.These are things you have to do.And so, what can happen in a romantic relationship, you can kind of unconsciously say, "Well, I'm gonna submit to you from a place of choice, and because I'm choosing it, it's like an expression of romance, actually."I don't think anyone would consciously, like, think this or do this, but what I'm looking at is how does the mainstream culture kind of unconsciously seep into relationships.So, as long as we're living in a culture where hierarchy is the norm, we can sometimes have this idea of, like, "Well, I'm gonna willingly submit to you, and that's how I'm gonna express my love."Does that make sense?As you describe that, it reminds me also of religion and how with, uh, about submitting to a deity and, um, handing it over to the deity to take care of you or to, to make things work out as opposed to the power being within you- Mm-hmm.but giving your power to some- something else to take care of you.Mm-hmm.Yeah.Exactly.Right.Yeah, 'cause you could be, like, spiritual, and it could be non-hierarchical, or you could do, like, mainstream religion where there's totally this, like, hierarchy.You're, like, asking God's permission or asking the priest's permission, or w- yeah, whatever, where it's like they have the power and you kinda give it to them.100%.So, what we're looking at right now is why is it that your partner's needs, AKA your partner's boundaries, can feel so triggering?So, this is part of it.There's this pop culture idea that sacrifice is an expression of love.Um, so, there's, there could be this expectation that you need to put your needs second, and if you don't, then it's like, "What?You don't love me?What's going on?"Um, and I don't think that's ever consciously decided in the relationship, but that's just kind of, like, a default expectation a lot of people fall into.And of course, I think there's, like, exceptions to this, like if you're parenting, or if there's, like, a really emergency, like life or death situation, you're not gonna prioritize your needs, you're just gonna meet the moment.You're gonna take care of your kid 'cause your kids need to be taken care of.So, it's not, like, a hard and fast rule.Um, but when it comes to romantic relationships, there can be this unconscious expectation that if you have needs, maybe it means you don't love me.Or if you're putting yourself first, it's like, "Well, what's wrong?"Um, so generally, needs are not normalized, like, in any paradigm where war is the norm, just because of that hierarchical nature.Like, you report to the person above you.So, when that, with that example I was giving around you submit to your boss or you submit to the government, you know, or maybe it's like religion.I love that example, Kathy, you brought up.Um, where was I going with that?Ah, needs are not normalized.Um, so what is normalized is this, is this idea of ownership.So, you're just, you're submitting to someone.And so, when it comes to romance, it could be like, "Oh, well, we're choosing to, like, belong to each other."And you can do that in a way where it's like, "Let's choose to commit to each other and, like, make space for our needs in that process," or you could do that maybe in a less conscious way where you're almost, like, co-owning each other as an expression of romance.It's like, "Well, I'm gonna submit to you, and you submit to me," if that makes sense.Where there's maybe not as much space for boundaries, and then if boundaries do come up, it's kind of interpreted to mean something's wrong or, you know, maybe you're, you're feeling rejected.That's a really common trigger that people can feel.I mean, that, that still happens for me, to be honest.Um, but I- I know what to do to work through it, so it happens much, much less often these days.Um, the last kind of cultural phenomenon I'll touch on, like why can receiving a boundary feel so triggering, um, it could bring up a feeling of conflict, actually, sometimes.And what's interesting is I think not everyone is conflict-averse, but I do see that this is, like, a big phenomenon, like conflict aversion, and I think because people associate conflict with, like, fighting, or it's like you're not on the same team anymore, which is totally, like, that war influence where you're kinda going to battle.Um, but if you are sensitive to conflict or you feel really triggered if conflict breaks out, receiving somebody's need can feel like conflict, even if it's like, in reality, there is no conflict.They're just making a request.Um, so it could bring up kind of any insecurity that you have when they're- when your partner's expressing a need, and this can look different depending on, like, your background and your trigger.But sometimes, it can bring up this feeling of, "Oh, gosh, am I not enough for this person?"Or actually, "Am I too much?"Or if you have a fear of the relationship not lasting and maybe fizzling out, it could also trigger that any time that your partner expresses a need.So, like, the obvious, um, example is somebody needing space.Like, maybe they wanna hang out, but they just got off work, and they're like, "I'm exhausted.I just need to unwind for, like, 30 minutes, do my self-care thing, and then let's hang out."But you could interpret it as, like, "Oh, gosh," and, like, like, "What's wrong?Why are- why is it my presence recharging to you?Am I not enough for you?"Right?Um, so whatever the trigger is for you, it's gonna be different for everyone.It's just gonna bring that up, the partner expressing the need, and you're, like, filling in the blank with your fear, the thing that you don't want to be true."Maybe I'm too much.Maybe I'm not enough."Personally, I've always been told I'm too much.I've never worried about not being enough.I've always worried about being too much, too emotional, too this, too that.I have a Pisces moon, so I'm very emotional, but I love it, honestly.Um, so, you know, these are just my own observations, like I said, from my experience, from the work I do, from my personal lived experience.There might be things that I'm not saying.There might be things that you're thinking of, of why does it feel so triggering to receive a partner's boundary?Um, so this isn't, like, the ultimate truth.These are just some observations I wanna share.But let's look at the impact.How does it impact your relationships?And maybe you're already aware of this to some degree.Um, and this is interesting 'cause I actually asked my partner.I was like, "How does it impact you when I react to your boundary?"Um, this happened the other day, actually, where my partner wasn't feeling well, and she was kind of communicating like, "Hey, I don't have capacity to get into, like, a big conversation right now."But because she wasn't feeling well, she was super, like, short and just, like, cut me off, and it triggered the hell outta me.Which is funny 'cause, like, logically, I'm like, "Well, when I'm not feeling well, I can also be short and"Like, I know- I know it's not personal, but it just, like, clicks into my childhood trauma where I felt so disrespected in the house I grew up in.It's like, "You just cut me off mid-sentence?Like, that is so disrespectful.You could've said that more kindly."But, like, I think it's fine when you're not feeling well.You just have to get the message out, but man, did it trigger me.So, like I said, it happens less for me these days, but it still happens, you know?And then I'm- I'm able to work with it, but because it still happens, I was like, "Hey, how does it impact you when I'm having a reaction to your boundaries?"And that was really insightful.So, um, some of the things she told me is that it- it's not safe to fully express herself or, like, to be authentic.Um, so for her, it triggers this, like, "Am I not allowed to have needs?Is there space for my needs," you know?Um, and it could also lead to your partner feeling, like, more hesitant to express needs.And I see this all the time in session, where people are like, "Yeah, I mean, I have a lot of needs, but my partner's really emotional when I express them, and so I just kinda keep them close and I don't- I don't really express them as much as I need to."But inevitably, that leads to resentment.There's really no way around that.Resentment always comes from an unmet need, so there's something that you're not expressing, leads to resentment, and that is not a recipe for longevity.It can really create a lot of tension and, like, kinda weigh heavier over time.Um, maybe this is a little bit redundant, but it- it does kind of disincentivize, because if you're giving negative feedback, you know, the way that your partner could interpret that is like, "Oh, my needs aren't important," or maybe they're, "My- my needs aren't welcome in this space," or maybe even, like, "My needs are a burden," or they're a problem.And I'm- maybe you could relate to that feeling.I definitely grew up with that feeling.Like, it- it wasn't normalized to have needs.Um, and then in contrast, when you give positive feedback, it can communicate, like, "I do care about your needs."But then, of course, to get there, you have to work through the triggers, so that's- that's what we'll do later.Um, and one of the, the things about trust that I always come back to is that a big part of it is transparency.Like, there's a lot that goes into trust, but transparency is really, like, core, you know?If you, like I think you said earlier, Angelique, if somebody's actions aren't matching their words, if something's misaligned there, of course that doesn't lead to trust.But when there's transparency where you're like, "Oh, you're not hiding anything from me, everything is straightforward," it leads to trust.So, the more that both you and your partner can express your needs openly without needing to maybe tiptoe or walk on eggshells or maybe, you know, that disincenti, um, incentive?The, being disincentivized?Like, the more things can flow freely, the more it's gonna facilitate trust because there's that transparency.Nothing's being blocked.Any thoughts or questions at this point before we move on?Uh, just when you talked about resentment, um, I was thinking about, um, my caregiving role and how I'm feeling really burnt out and, um, just, um, uh, feeling really resentful to the fact that, um, the woman that I caregive for, her, her daughter who I guess is my friend, but this whole arrangement has put a real strain on my friendship with her in that, um, uh,she doesn't seem to be prioritizing things in the way I guess I would or that makes sense.Um, and just also- Yeah.with how I see her spending her mother's money in ways that don't make sense to me, um, uh, and me not feeling safe to express any of this because I feel- Mm-hmm.like I'm in a, uh, a, a desperate, trapped situation where I just sort of have to be like, "Okay, well I guess as long as I have food and a roof over my head, then whatever.You do whatever you want."Um, so yeah.Yeah.Uh, I guess what are my, my un- uh, an unexpressed need is that I need a longer break than, than the breaks that I've been given.Hmm.Yeah.Yeah.And you can feel the weight that that's holding, and I imagine it just, like, grows over time.And then anytime she contacts me, I'm just triggered 'cause it just always seems like she's asking for me to do something else for her mom.And even when it wasn't that, like when she was, like, constantly messaging me on my, like, birthday and that weekend, I was just like, "Why are you making me work to tell you about my birthday?""And what I'm doing for my birthday?"Like, god.Leave me alone!Yeah.That's what I wanted to say, but I didn't know how to say it.Yeah.No, see, you get it, because I mean in your case there is sort of a power dynamic there because you're getting your survival needs met through that arrangement.Mm-hmm.So, if, if you were to communicate something and then she's not able to receive it, that could, like, threaten your access to some of your, like, core needs.'Cause it's a very tenuous situation.Um, what I've learned from this is that, um, they're the sort of quote-unquote "rich people" who say that they're millionaires, but, like, won't put any money towards anything that doesn't benefit them, uh, or, um, and, um, they'll call people family as a way to not pay them.Hmm.Yeah.Wow.Yeah, that's, that's a tough situation to be in.I feel for you.about me, Angelique?You go.1, one thing that came up for me, uh, first when you were talking about needs are not, not needs, uh, boundaries are not normalized was one of the things that make it really hard to receive them is that people, including myself, everyone, it's hard for us to set the boundaries in the first place- Hmm.in a good way.And so oftentimes the boundary will be defensive, and coming up with a lot of resentment, and aggressive- Mm-hmm.or, like, just not clean.Uh, or it will be overreaching.Like, I had an example where I tried to set a boundary, but because I wasn't being heard and I was pushed and probed to explain and unpack, and at some point, I got frustrated.And so I restated the boundaries broader, and that included a little bit of, like, their behaviors in that boundary, and so I was overreaching.Um, but I think one of the things that's just hard is no one's teaching you how to get in touch with that need underneath, and express the need in a way that's gentle and clean.Um, and so for me, it's much harder to receive when it comes with a lot of, you know, just like, "You could have said that nicely," and then you just said it with likeYou didn't have to add these layers on top.It's likeAnd so then- Yeah.it's like, "Okay, well, let's unpack.Like, let me hear the vulnerable need-" Yeah." and let's talk about that.And then I'll ignore how it came up, and then at, at some other point, and we can talk about how it came up, and some other things that maybe were not necessary as part of expressing that need."Yeah, 100%.Yeah, so it's kind of like 2 sides of the same coin.Like if boundaries are kind of taboo in society, but then also in a romantic relationship, giving it could be hard and receiving it could be hard.And if it is loaded with, like, emotional charge, or maybe, um, you know, you're not used, or your partner's not used to, like, holding a boundary, um, it can come out really loaded or it can come out kinda messily, which I think is really relatable.Um, and then, of course, that's triggering to receive it, and like you said, there's like layers you have to work through of like, okay, there's this conversation that we need to have, and then what is the need?So yeah, it could be a lot to, to unpack.I appreciate you both sharing.It's interesting to hear your experiences.Mm-hmm.So what we're gonna look at next, we've identified the problem, like, why does it happen, what's the impact?That's not where this ends, right?Like, we'll look at what are the next steps.So, um, first is the paradigm shift.So, you know, the kinda mainstream is like, "Oh, needs can be limits or barriers.There could be disconnecting."But no.Not only can needs be neutral, it'sOr, not needs, boundaries, 'cause needs are more neutral.Like, you don't really choose your needs.You just name them or you don't.Everybody has needs, and then there's the universal human needs.So, that is a way more neutral way to look at boundaries.Uh, but like I said earlier, it can really deepen your connection, because, you know, in a caring, loving relationship, you bothYou don'tYou're not demanding that the other sacrifice something or put themselves second.Ideally, there's space for both of you to fully show up as you are and, and to meet your needs.Um, it is true that, let's say with the example of like, "Hey, I need to take some space," or like, "I'm not ready to spend quality time," that boundary of like, let's not hang out immediately, sure, it can create space, like in the moment, or it could create distance.But in the long term, it really does feed trust, deepens your bond, deepens intimacy, because you're deepening trust, and it's a way of investing in the longevity of the relationship.Um, 'cause like I said earlier, resentment is like, it just weighs and weighs and weighs until slowly the relationship kind of erodes in a way, like depending on how long that goes on.So if you're able to really receive a boundary, you're investing in the longevity of your relationship.Um, and a, a big part of trust is actually being comfortable with taking space, feeling secure with space, because you know that you're gonna be coming back together.There's like this natural ebb and flow.Um, so it doesn't have to be this personal thing of like, "Well, why don't you wanna spend time with me in this exact moment?You must not like me," or, "What does this mean about our relationship?"Or, "Am I too much?X, Y, Z."It's like, okay, you know, there's always ebbs and flows.There's this trust that we will come back together, and the more easily you're able to receive that boundary, the more you really feel that in your body where you're like, "Yeah, they need space, but it doesn't mean, I don't know, the end of the world.Like, we're, we're gonna come back together, because you will."So you have those data points that you're collecting.I've talked about this in the past, so thisYou may have heard me say this before, but it is relevant, so I'm gonna share it here.Um, I really like this idea of relationship agreements.It's a big tenet of conscious relating.So when you're unconsciously relating, there's a bunch of expectations that usually aren't named, and where do those expectations come from?They come from your past experience.They come from like the cultural influence of the environment you grew up in or you're currently living in.Um, and so in contrast, the conscious thing is like, "Let's actually make some agreements.What are we doing here, and how do we wanna show up in relationship with each other?"Um, and the very first agreement that I would recommend like as a baseline is that your body is your primary partner.So, the idea with that is essentially like you don't really always control your body.You can try to, but it's gonna pee when it wants to.It's gonna be hungry when it wants to.Um, and so you are kind of stewarding the body in a way, 'cause you might have desire to go do a million things, or be in a certain mood, but your body's gonna do what it does.Maybe you're menstruating and you're like, "I can't socialize right now even though I want to."So this idea of the body as the primary partner, um, your body comes first, which means your needs come first, which you don't always choose.You just have to notice what they are and kind of tend to them.And from my perspective, I think that's a, a real expression of love.It's less performative, less-rooted in these unconscious expectations, but it's like saying, "Yeah, it might limit our ability to connect as much, or as frequently, or the timeline that we want to, but real love is, like, you respecting yourself first, right?And a big part of that is taking care of your body."I love this concept.It's one of my favorite things to talk about.It reminds me of solo poly and just, like, the relationship with yourself as your primary partner.Mm-hmm.Right.Yeah, where you're- you're putting yourself first, basically.Yeah, totally.I wonder if there's another term for that, um, since it's- because you're not talking about solo poly, but you're talking about the relationship with yourself being primary.Yeah, isn't that interesting?Mm-hmm.Well, it can kind of manifest in different ways.So when- I mean, this is just my opinion, so it may or may not resonate, but when I think of solo poly, I think of it as in a sense that you're structuring your life to be centered on, like, living the lifestyle that you want.Um, whereas I think even if you're living with someone else, you can still put yourself first, it just means that you're not doing every single thing and every single moment of the day with your partner.It might mean there's more, like, ebb and flow, because you have to put your body first.Does that make sense?Um, whereas with solo poly- That's interesting, solo poly- I mean, not everyone lives alone, but I think that is more common, where, like, someone will live on their own because they like that autonomy and they like having more, um, I don't know, kind of structuring their life in their- in the way they want to.But there's a lot of overlap with that concept, I think.Um, okay, so that's the paradigm shift.Needs are neutral.Boundaries can deepen connection.They don't have to be things that, um, mean anything personal.It could be something that actually feeds your relationship.Easier said than done.So we're gonna look at how do you actually move into that direction where you can receive a boundary with more ease, and of course, it's a practice.It's not just, like, after this workshop, it's like, "Oh, all done."But this is the idea, so something that you can practice is, of course, pausing before reacting.Um, if you're getting triggered, there's going to be some emotional intensity.You can think of it as like an electrical charge in your body, so not the most pleasant thing, but really, the- the conscious practice here is noticing what's in your body and kind of tracking the charge.So maybe it's, like, starts in your belly and then it moves up to your throat.It could- it could look a million different ways, but it gives you something to focus on, so you're not actually just, like, reacting to the boundary.Uh, the other day, when I got triggered at the boundary, I noticed, I was like, "Okay, I'm triggered."And so I didn't say anything, but I was clearly, like, upset on my face, but I was just, like, feeling the intensity of what came up in my body.Um, and for me personally, the growth edge is just naming, like, "Hey, I'm triggered, and I'm gonna need a second," which I didn't do, so that was part of the debrief afterwards.I was just, like, so overwhelmed with the feeling.But I feel like for me, it was a win that I wasn't just, like, "Fuck you," or something, you know, 'cause that- that would have been really shadowy if my partner's like, "I'm not feeling well, I can't talk," and I'm like, "Fuck you", you know?So just kind of, like, being with the intensity is really a good first step.Um, maybe you've already done this, but a good playbook is actually setting this expectation with your partner that when you get triggered, you're just gonna need to pause and take a second to take care of yourself, so they're not interpreting it as, like, "What is going on?Why are you freezing?Why are you shutting down?""What is this?"Um, so it helps you feel like you're still on the same team and there's not any misinterpretations, just so they know what your process is like.And then the charge doesn't have to be completely eliminated or, like, resolved for you to then communicate, um, but when it comes down enough and you feel like you can communicate clearly, you know, you can say whatever you need to say.But eventually, the ideal outcome is you actually respond with some sort of, excuse me, some sort of positive reinforcement.So it could be, like, as simple as, like, "Thanks for letting me know."Um, I see a question in the chat, I'm gonna get to that when I finish this little segment here.Um, or it could be, like, like so for i- this has actually happened the other day, where I was just in the mood to cuddle, I had, like, been super productive and I was, like, asking my partner, "Hey, do you wanna cuddle?"And I guess she was relaxing earlier and then being super productive and so she wasn't available.And so I was like, "Okay, well just let me know when you have space to cuddle."And, like, who knows when that will be, if it's today or tomorrow or next week or something.But it's just, like, me expressing a desire, like, "Hey, you wanna do this thing with me?""Sorry, I can't right now.""Okay, well, let me know when you're available for that."It's kind of neutral, but it's also an invitation, so it's not me being like, "Oh, I'm not worthy of cuddles," or, "You don't love me enough to put the work second and cuddle for 5 minutes," or whatever.It's just, like, "Okay, I understand that you don't have the space right now, and so let's reconnect when you do have the space."Um, it could also be actually expressing what it brings up for you, so, um, like, an example is like, "Aw, I really wanna cuddle, but, yeah, I understand."And then you could say, "Let me know when you're available for that."So, the idea, there's kind of a fine line with this, because you don't wanna make your partner responsible for, like, kind of holding your emotions, um, unless there's an explicit agreement where they're like, "Yes, I want to support you in this, and I have the desire and I have the capacity to help you with that when it comes up," then that's, that's different.But part of what makes, um, like, one of the negative impacts of having reactions to your partner's boundaries is it, they can feel like, "Oh, it's, it's so loaded, I don't know if I wanna bring it up right now, 'cause I don't know if I have the space to deal with my partner's reaction."Um, and so being in that, that practice of pausing before reacting, feeling the charge in your body, kind of tracking it, taking deep breaths, being with it, taking a second, and then coming back, um, that's really, like, I would recommend that as the way to go, but you can also lean on your partner if that feels like a, a mutual agreement between you 2.Um, but I think there's this balance between, like, you don't have to suppress your emotions, you don't have to hide the fact that you're triggered.Ideally, your partner knows what you're working on, like, what your shadow work is, and they know that you get triggered by receiving boundaries, and so it's not coming to a surprise that you're sad or something, but just, like, acknowledging it can help, umI don't know, when you're suppressing something, then it can kind of explode out, or it ca- it can be even harder to be with, so just, like, naming it briefly can kind of help the charge come down a little bit.Um, so I'll give one more example, um, like some positive reinforcement you can say when receiving a boundary, you can be like, "Oh, I'm, I'm kind of sad you're not available right now, but I'm glad you're taking care of yourself," 'cause that's ultimately what any boundary is, right?It's, like, a need that you have, which means you're taking care of yourself.Um, I'm gonna look at the question in the chat."I forget, are relationship agreements a common understanding of how we relate to each other, or a shared understanding," ooh, "of where a relationship is heading?"That's a great question.Honestly, it could be a little bit of both.Um, I mean, I think that it is a little bit of both.The sun is starting to hit me, it's like that hour of the day, I'm gonna move a little bit.Um, I, there are layers to it, so I like to think of them primarily as, like, what are the cultural norms or relational norms that you're agreeing to in the relationship?So, one example is, like, let's stay on the same team during conflict, or let's put our bodies first, let's not expect the other to put, um, our needs second.So, it's like you always take care of yourself, that's an example, and that's kind of ongoing, and it's kind of this container that can hold the relationship, so when you do run into conflict, you can be like, "Oh, it looks like we're turning against each other.What would it take for us to get back on the same team?"It can just kind of, like, hold you in place, like, kind of, um, what are the, the bumpers, like when you're going bowling, so you're not just, like, completely, you know, losing shape, let's say Um, and then part of it too is where is the relationship heading?Or better, maybe a better way of saying that is what is the intention of the relationship?What purpose does this relationship serve?And that, for me personally, um, I like to do that per- periodically, so maybe it's, like, once every 6 months or once every 3 months, depending on how long you've been together too.Um, I personally do that, I think at least every 6 months, but then there's sometimes organically where we're just, like, checking in and seeing.Um, but it, it is a big, it's really helpful to know what is the intention of the relationship, especially if you're doing solo polyamory, or if you're in a non-monogamous dynamic, because that's gonna help you kind of, like, orient and hold appropriate boundaries with appropriate relationships.But the thing is, you don't always know exactly where the relationship is heading until, maybe, like, back to Angelique's point, like, you spend enough time with a person to get to understand, like, what is the dynamic, or maybe how much alignment is there, um, or even, like, how compatible are you, like, does this person talk a really big talk but have a hard time putting it into practice, those kinds of things.And I think that naturally kind of changes over timeDoes this answer your question?It does.Thank you.Yeah.I appreciate the question.It's a good one.Um, yeah.So the ideal outcome when you're receiving a boundary is it's the opposite of reacting from a place of being triggered.It's actually positive reinforcement, so, "Hmm, thanks for letting me know.""Let me know when you have availability," um, or like, "Oh, yeah, kind of sad, but I'm glad you're taking care of yourself."So what you're ultimately doing is you're acknowledging that, um, it- it is actually, like, a positive thing that your partner is taking care of themself.It would be actually more concerning if there was something that they were ignoring basically in order to connect with you, 'cause that's just, like, not a sustainable formula really.So that's, um, that's the ideal outcome, but then what we'll look at next is, what does it take to get there?So I gave you some practices, like the pausing before reacting, take a second, feel it in your body.What we're gonna move into next is actually, like, practicing that, um, so we'll do a little bit of somatic work around that.And before we get into that, actually, I just wanna share a few announcements.Um, so what we're touching on today, I mean, this is just a workshop, right?So it's, like, a little snippet of conscious relating.If you're really interested in these concepts, and if you're like me and actually find this, like, really fun, and a way to, like, bond and kind of deepen with your partner, um, my signature course, The Conscious Couple, is a container that helps you really, like, deepen into these ideas of, like, creating conscious agreements, for example, um, and just kind of checking all these unconscious assumptions about relating that comes from the default paradigm, and just getting really intentional about it, but there's also a structure around it.Um, it's a 4month container, so it's actually pretty thorough, where it helps you really, like, repattern some of those things.So that's in August.There's plenty of time, um, to think about that, if you're interested at all.Um, there will be, like, a super early bird and, like, early bird, and if you sign up early, you can save a pretty good chunk of money.So I just like sharing about that now, so you can start thinking about it, if it interests you.Um, and then in May, I actually have a 4week taster coming up.So if you're like, "Yeah, The Conscious Couple sounds cool.It's a pretty big commitment," um, if you just wanna get, like, a 4week taste of what it could look like, I'm hosting a 4week class.It's called Love Without Losing Yourself.The whole idea is it's kind of, uh, deprogramming from that codependency, where you actually are able to maintain sovereignty in your relationship, and that's the thing that helps you deepen.So the, the mainstream idea is, like, you have to kind of lose yourself in the relationship, but my argument is like, "Uh, actually, the thing that actually leads to, like, deep, satisfying connection is maintaining sovereignty in a relationship," and it's so counter-cultural that I think it's worth having a 4week class about it.Uh, I see a question in the chat."Do you have to join as a couple, or can you come solo?"For The Conscious Couple, it is for couples specifically, um, but for the 4week class, you can come solo if you want to.Um, and then I also offer couple sessions, if you're looking for more personalized support.Sometimes it helps to have, like, a mediator, like someone kind of facilitating the conversation, so that is available too.It's on my website, um, and then I do have a free call every month that I offer.It's called Relationship Hour, come ask me anything about relationships.I'll give you my perspective.The next one is on April 1st, and it's not a joke.It's kind of a funny date.So those are upcoming events, and, like, you'll see me posting about it in my newsletter, so nothing should come as a surprise to you.Should be easy to follow up on that stuff, but you can just go to my website, if you wanna inquire more.Uh, consciousrelating.org.So it's been a lot of me talking.We're gonna do a little bit more experiencing now.I'm gonna guide you through, um, a little exercise.So what I'm gonna have you do is get comfortable, 'cause we'll spend a good chunk of time here, maybe 15 or 20 minutes.So if you need to stretch, need to wiggle, take a drink, go ahead and do what you need to do, um, before you, you sit in stillness, 'cause I'm gonna have you tune inward quite a bit.So for this exercise, I do recommend sitting up, um, especially if you're prone to falling asleep.But sometimes, um, it, beJust depending on your body and your needs, it can actually be more effective if you're laying down or if you wanna find the middle ground.Sometimes it could be really nice to have your head held, so maybe, like, uh, if you're sitting in a chair or if you have a pillow you could put behind your head.Um, it can help actually just sendsignal safety to your nervous system, so it could just feel more grounding as you're moving through the call.But obviously, if you're falling asleep, you're not really going through the exercise.So you know yourself better than me.I'm prone to falling asleep, so I always have to sit up when I do this kind of thing.'Cause I've definitely fallen asleep through a lot of meditations.And let's start by just taking 3 deep breaths together, just kind of settling into your body and breathe in through your nose, breathe out through your mouth, and double the length of your exhale.And see if you can let out a sigh as you exhale.That could be really relaxing.Uh.Mm.I'm gonna start off by just actually checking in with what is already here in your body.You might notice maybe you already have some activation just because, you know, we're about to go into an exercise where you're gonna process some triggers, or maybe you've been carrying some work stress all day, um, and you're feeling that in your body.So we just wanna see, like, what is already here before we get into it.So notice any areas of your body where you might be holding some tension or some tightness or where you might even feel pain, maybe of, like, a chronic back pain or something like that.So you just wanna notice that, take inventory.So bring awareness to the top of your head, to your ears, your eyes, your cheeks, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders, your chest,your back, your arms, your belly, your hips, your thighs, your legs, your knees,your calves, your ankles, your feet, and your hands.I think I skipped the hands.And notice what's there.You might be surprised by something, or there might be things that are obvious.Next, I'm gonna have you find a place in your body that feels neutral.So a common place for people can be the ears, maybe unless you just got your ear pierced or something.Or sometimes the feet can feel more neutral.But see where in your body does it feel neutral.If you have a hard time finding a neutral place in your body, an alternative that you could do is you can find something that's pleasant to look at in the room.So maybe there's, like, a plant, or you have, like, a salt lamp or a candle, or maybe you could look out the window and see a tree or something.Just wanna have that reference point as we move through this exercise, because it can be nice to take a break from the intense sensation if the trigger feels like a lot and to actually focus on that neutral place.I have someone joining the call, just so you know.I'm gonna l- I'm gonna let them in.Paola, we are actually just getting into the somatic exercise.Um, the other thing I'll say is this call is being recorded, so if you prefer not to show up on the recording, just don't come off mute and you can type in the chat.If you do come off mute, it will show up in the recording, which will be offered to people as a replay.Um, so for you, Paola, since you just joined, the invitation is to find a place in your body that feels neutral.Often, this could be the ears or it could be the feet, but it could be helpful just to have a reference point of some place that is neutral, 'cause we're about to explore, um, working through some triggers around receiving boundaries.Okay, so the next part of the exercise, I want you to bring to mind, um, a memory.It could be recent or it could be long ago, maybe it's from a past relationship even.Um, but if there's something that's alive for you, you can feel into that.But the invitation is to pick something that's not super-duper triggering.So you don't wanna pick something that's, like, a 10 out of 10 in intensity.The best place to practice is maybe something that's a little bit less intense, so maybe somewhere around, like, a 4 or a 5 out of s- or 6 out of 10 in intensity, just depending on what, what your baseline is in your body.So if you have- you're feeling pretty grounded, feeling pretty calm, maybe you can have more capacity for, like, a 6 out of 10 in intensity.Or if you're feeling kinda tired or hungry, or you're like, "Oh, I don't know.I don't know how much I can hold right now," then choose something that's closer to, like, a 4 out of 10.But choose a memory of an experience that you had where your partner set a boundary with you and it triggered something in you, some kind of big emotion.I'll give you a second to choose which memory.And when you have that memory in mind, go ahead and play it like you're watching a movie.Like, see it in your mind if you can.And you'll notice you- you'll feel something in your body as that comes up, and the invitation here is not to analyze it, not to fix the feeling, but actually just notice where you feel that sensationand see if you can track it.So maybe there's, like, a tightness in your jaw, or maybe your tummy goes into knots.Be with the sensation.It might change, it might move, it might not, but you just wanna track it with your awareness.Go ahead and take a deep breath here as you're doing this, doubling the length of your exhale.Ahhh.And if the feeling is kind of intense, you can actually pause, bring awareness to your ears or awareness to anywhere in your body that feels neutral, and actually just zoom in on that sensation, and that can give you a little break.Should do that when I'm getting tattooed.My left arm is getting tattooed, I'll just focus on my right arm.And as you're tuning into your body sensations, you're just noticing what's present.You're not fixing it, not analyzing it.Notice what else comes up.There might be, like, a color that's associated with this feeling.There might even be a texture, so maybe if your stomach is in knots, maybe it feels, like, really thick and dense, and maybe even feels like a rope.Or, maybe you feel something that is kind of more fluffy, or more, like, dizzying, like you're on a rollercoaster.It could be that a sensation in your tummy, maybe it looks blue, whereas a sensation in your throat looks pink.There's no right or wrong way to do this, but you just want to bring curiosity and see is there anything top of mind, a color or a texture that's associated with this sensation?There might even be a memory.There might be a memory of, like, maybe an ex-partner broke up with you, and that felt really painful, and maybe that's what a boundary in present time is bringing up for you.Maybe it's triggering a certain fear connected to a certain memory.So you don't need to think too hard, but just notice what is naturally coming up.Take another deep breath.Ahhh.Next, we're gonna work with the sensation that is here, and we're gonna play with it in a visual kind of way.So whatever texture or color it looks like, um, see that in your mind.And if you're actually not seeing anything, that's totally fine.You can just make one up, actually.You can symbolize it as, like, a gray energy or, like, an opaque energy, but just something to kind of play with.So if you can imagine that color and that texture of energy in the place in your body where you're feeling triggered, imagine that just slowly and very gently sliding down, down, down, downDown your torso, down your legs.And imagine it going out to the bottoms of your feet, and going deep down into the earth.The earth has a huge energetic field, and she really can handle anything from any single human, like, it- it's really, like, she's unfazed by it.And what she can actually do is alchemize that energy, turn it into something beautiful.So, any excess charge that you're holding in your body, imagine that just gently sliding down, down, down, down, out the bottoms of your feet, and imagine that color and that texture going deep down into the earth, reaching her core.Take your time with this.There might be a lot there, or maybe it just slides right down.Just keep imagining it emptying out.You're releasing.T- take a deep breath.Really, what you're doing is you're releasing any pain that you experienced in the past.So anytime a trigger is being activated for you in present time, it's rooted in something that happened in the past, some kind of past pain.So you're just releasing that, letting it go, letting it compost.And notice how that feels in your body as you imagine that.spenda few more moments here, just imagining all that pain just releasing from your body, out from your feet, and going deep down into the earth, where she can very well hold that and alchemize it.You can go ahead and wrap that up.So if there's any remaining energy, or if you see that as, like, a color, a texture, or any charge, with your intention, go ahead and just let that go.Release it.Imagine that leaving your body.It's okay if you don't get 100% complete with it, but just prepare to transition to the next part of this exercise.So now that you have released some of that charge, what you're gonna do next is actually replenish yourself.And the best way I know how to do this, I actually learned this in psychic school, is to replenish yourself with some golden energy.Gold is the highest vibration, and it's a healing vibration, and it really can be replenishing.So with your imagination, imagineI see gold in all caps in the chat.Love the enthusiasm.With your imagination, imagine a big, big, golden sun about arm's length above your head, and imagine this very big, like, at- at least the size of a car.Big, golden sun.And with your intention, you can infuse whatever energy you want to into this golden sun.So maybe it's a feeling of calm, or security in yourself, security in your relationship.Could be the energy of ease, receiving a boundary with ease.You get to choose, what do you wanna fill this golden sun with?And just using your intention, imagine that golden sun filling upthe energy you want to embody.Then when you're ready, go ahead and reach your imaginary hand up above your head, poking a hole in the bottom of that golden sun, and imagine that golden sun filling in through the top of your head, filling you in, reaching your neck, your shoulders, your back, your arms, your hands, your tummy, your hips,your thighs, filling in with a radiant gold, your legs, your knees, your calves, your ankles, your feet.And then imagine your aura bubble filling in with that golden energy too.So just all the space around you, big, big bubble filling in with that golden energy, cleansing your energy, giving you a little reset.And notice how that feels.It can feel really delightful, honestly, so I'll give you a moment here to savor that experience.And then in a few moments, we'll come back together and you can share anything that you wanna share.So let's go ahead and come back together.You can leave your camera off if you want to.But we do have a good, like, 9 minutes here, so I wanna open the space for just what that brought up for you, what was it like, or if you have any questions.This could be an opportunity to be, to be seen, or to connect with others.You just shared an experience together, um, so anything you wanna share, you're welcome to, but also don't have to.And again, um, doesn't have to be on camera.It could also be in the chat if you prefer.In the chat, we got, "The gold visualization was incredibly warm and comforting."I literally fill myself up with gold multiple times a day.It feels good.It is just really nice.In the chat, we got, "Thanks, Mama Earth, for all the support."Yeah, shout out to Mama Earth because she's really going through a lot right now and somehow she's still holding us all, so really appreciate her.In the chat, "My gold was glitter.Mm, yummy."That's awesome.I'm seeing that right now.I'm like, "Mm-hmm, yeah."Nice.Sounds delightful.I usually feel it as, like, kind of a, like a warm, tingly feeling in my body, but sometimes it, it can vary a little bit, but usually it's, like, some kind of pleasant sensation.In the chat, we got, "Starting as sun, then all glitter, and it was really fun."Cool.I'm glad it was fun.Yeah, you know, I personally really like this philosophy that healing doesn't need to require suffering.It can definitely involve discomfort, but, like, you can actually make it whatever you want to, and that's why I love harnessing the power of the imagination, because, like, really sky's the limit.Why not fill your, fill yourself in with some glitter, you know?It's like, you get to choose.Um, so if we don't have any other shares, we could also end a little early, but I do just wanna pose a question in case anybody wants to share.I would be curious to know if there's anything, like, surprising, or anything that you learned through that process.Like, maybe you're like, "Oh, I didn't realize that was connected to a memory I had as, like, a kid, or, you know, in a past relationship," or I don't know, maybe you're surprised at how much tension you're holding in your eyes, for example.So let's give it a moment if anyone wants to share, and then if not, we can go ahead and wrap up.Thanks for the offering, Forrest.Um, I'm open to sharing a little bit.I think for me, it was a little challenging tofirst land on one example, 'cause I felt like a few were coming up, so I was holding the overlap of the different examples.Mm-hmm.And thenfelt, I guess to respond to your question, what did I learn, I feel like I still have so much to learn about boundaries, like what- what is a boundary and whathow was that showing up in the examples that I- Hmm.thought of, becauseone example, it felt like this is a boundary that somebody is naming, butjust feeling, like, internally conflicted becausewhat was being named felt like a conflict of my need, soYeah, I guess just feeling a little confused with what to do there and how to hold that.Mm-hmm.And then when you talked about allowing that color, like finding a color and then allowing it to move through down, down through the feet to the earth, that felt kind of hard to do, and then it did all, like, blob out, so the- the golden energy was really replenishing.Cool.Yeah.Yeah, and like, to be fair, you just kind of popped in, so I'm impressed by your ability to just, like, jump into this exercise.You missed the grounding piece beforehand, so, you know, I think it's noteworthy that you just popped in and- and rolled with it.That was pretty cool.Um, I know, it's interesting with these, so what it is, is a visual meditation.And anytime you're imagining, you're using your third eye.It's so cool.It's so, like, elementary, but, like, trippy and witchy.I really love it.Um, but it's, like, different every time.Like, I do these meditations literally every day, like, I have my- my kind of, like, energetic hygiene that I do.But sometimes it feels really easy, sometimes it feels hard.Sometimesit could depend on your mood or your capacity, you know?So, like, it's not always the same every time, but, um, it's cool to hear that at first it was kind of hard to get the energy flowing, like, down and out, but then it all just kind of, like, pluh, clumped out, or it- it all came out.That's really cool to hear, and I'd be curious, like, 'cause I'll share this replay within 24 hours.Um, I think it'd be interesting for you to watch, um, the initial piece that you missed, if that could answer some of your questions around, well, is this boundary kind of, like, valid, or, that they're setting, or, like, this kind of conflicts with mine.I wonder if that could clarify anything internally, and then I welcome you to, um, you could message me or email me with any questions, if something is, like, not really clear or feeling resolved internally.Um, but you could also, like, redo the exercise too and see, does it feel easier the next time around?And that's the thing I- I wanna leave people with as a next step, so I'm guiding you through this exercise where you notice, where is the sensation in your body?And then you play with that visually, 'cause it might not seem like you're doing anything profound, but it- you are really moving energy around, even when you're just imagining it.That's the other kind of, the thing that the mainstream paradigm really discredits, is the power of the imagination.and so that's why it's not really valued in society.But when you actually understand how powerful it is, like for example, when you fill yourself in with gold, you're like, "Oh, that feels nice."Like, there's actually a real impact that the imagination has on your body.Um, so this is a practice that you can continue doing.And these triggers don't go away overnight, but as long as you know how to show up to them, they can reduce in intensity over time.So the more you repeat this exercise of, like, particularly noticing the sensation in your body, but if you wanna add that layer of imagining the energy leaving your body and composing, that can also help, and it can release.And then I would always recommend, if you're gonna release, it's just good energetic hygiene to replenish yourself afterwards too.You'll feel a lot more in balance, and if you do that enough times, you will feel a difference over time.It might not seem like much, but it is something to lean on in these moments where you're like, "I am so tired of getting triggered by boundaries."It can alleviate some of the intensity over time.Now I'm seeing in the, the chat in all caps, "Witch."I love your commentaries, Cath.They're, like, so entertaining.I do them just for you.Yeah, so we, we've reached the end of our time here.I do just wanna make space.Was there any, like, anything that feels incomplete for anyone?And i- if you need to hop off, you can hop off.I just wanna make sure, 'cause I'm kind of talking a lot at the end, if there's anything missing.Okay.We'll leave it there.So I appreciate you all coming, um, and I'll send you the replay in the next 24 hours.You'll see it in the email.Hope you have a restful evening, and we'll be in touch.It's good to see you too, Angelique.Bye, everyone.Oh, my goodness, you signed up for the class.That's awesome.I'll see you there.Bye, everyone.